Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
