I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Randomize
