Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
