You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
