I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
