This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
