dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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