Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
