My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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