My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
