Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just want nice things and good sex
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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