I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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