Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
