found the other keg... it's in the tree
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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