I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
