I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
