it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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