Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
