This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My feet surprised me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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