So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
