i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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