we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
