I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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