I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
