I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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