god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
