every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
