i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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