We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
