I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
