My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
