i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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