bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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