I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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