Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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