the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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