I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
zippers are such a cool invention
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
