my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
