I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
