It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
