I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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