it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is Oprah even human
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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