why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
