Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I cannot find my penis.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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