I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
