You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
this will be a night to untag.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
