9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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