it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
