therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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