Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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