You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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