he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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