and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
