He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
