I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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