you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
