i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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