she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
