I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
