That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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