walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
